To those who received countless college football e-mails, I am sorry. I discovered Google Reader this week, but the "share" function has yet to win my graces. You know you like fat defensive linemen scoring touchdowns in your inbox. It's American.
Google is amazing. You select your favorite sites that post material, and the Reader puts all the updated stuff in the same place. You get to organize the layout however you want. Surfing the Web is outdated. Workplace distraction is trendier than ever.
Google's innovative ease and speed contrast with an annoying piece of technology I meant to expose long ago. See if you recognize this conversation.
Please enter your password. Then press pound!
OK, fair enough. Everything else requires a password but with less enthusiasm. Bleep blip bleep blip blop.
You have one new voice message.
OK. Play it.
To listen to your messages, press one.
I am calling my voicemail. That means I want to listen to my voicemail. Play me my voicemail. You don't have to tell me to press one every time. Play it for me.
To send a message, press two.
If I wanted to send a message, I would use this telephone as a calling device. People have been doing it since 1870 without your help.
To change your personal options, press four.
Is one of my personal options to not hear you again?
To disconnect, press star.
Now now. No need to be sassy. I am offering constructive criticism. Sigh. I'll press one. Again. Bleep.
First new voice message.
Yup. Got it.
"Hey. The house isn't on fire. See you soon."
End of message.
Really? Wait. Can I cheer for an encore? Encore! Encore! Encore!
To return a call, press 88.
Did I fall asleep for the positive integers between one and 87?
To erase this message, press seven. To save it, press nine.
Yeah right. You'll just throw it away in 21 days like you throw away my time every time I check my voicemail.
To hear more options, press zero.
I'm probably the moron for not pressing zero.
Good bye moron!